IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY...
... or what if doing it your way opened up a brand-new highway?
In my last article, I pulled a quote from Marie Bostwick’s novel, Esme Cahill Fails Spectacularly, and today I’m returning to that same book. The quote currently floating in and out (and in again) of my mind is:
The story is told in a dual timeline, weaving between Esme’s present-day perspective and her grandmother, Adele’s, life in the 1940s. This snippet belongs to Adele, a gifted art quilter.
There’s so much I could pull out from the context surrounding this quote, but I want to focus on the final bit, the final eight words: But only if I do it my way.
We live in a culture that claims to celebrate individuality while, in the same breath, shouting about rules, shoulds, and so-called best practices – “This path brought me all this success, you should follow me and do the exact same thing!”
Doesn’t matter if it’s starting a business, parenting, or eating healthier, someone knows exactly how you should do it.
I don’t know about you, but I’m growing really weary of it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a big believer in learning from others and not reinventing the wheel when we don’t have to. But . . . there is a difference between learning from others and tracing their steps like some kind of paint-by-numbers kit.
Maybe that person worked seven days a week for three years straight. Maybe they drank 96 ounces of water daily. Maybe they homeschooled their kid into a perfect SAT score. That doesn’t mean their blueprint will work for you—or that you even want their life in the first place.
So, take the notes. Gather the strategies. And then hold them up to your own life. Can you—or do you even want to—live and/or work in the same way?
Here’s something I’ve learned along the way (often after much gnashing of teeth): There are no one-size fits all solutions. Each of us must stitch together our own “life outfit”—something that fits our body, our energy, our quirks, our season.
Deep down, I think we all know this. But it is so easy to get sucked into a possible quick, easy, sexy solution. Every single one of us has fallen for the promise of a shortcut.
That’s why, the next time I hear about the “perfect” plan, I’m going to pause and ask: Perfect for who?
Likely, not for me (or you).
Instead, let’s take, with gratitude, what’s useful and then start paving our own unique path highway. Even if it looks odd to people around us (I have most definitely been there, done that). Even if it feels unconventional or messy.
I’ve learned again and again (and will probably need more “agains” in the very near future) that the things that feel best to me only show up when I finally give in and do things my way—not the Instagram way, not the hustle culture way, or not the way a friend or colleague does it.
So, what’s my point?
It’s that there is no medal for doing it someone else’s way—no matter how many certificates of completion you collect. The win comes in honoring who you are, right now, in this season of your life.
I know from experience how hard it is to do things differently. But I think in the end, it might be the only kind of success that actually feels like success.
(Is anyone else currently hearing Frank Sinatra’s refrain of “I did it myyyyyy wayyyyyy” in their mind? No? Just me?)
Want to dig into this a little deeper? Here are a couple of journal prompts to get you started:
1. Where in my life am I currently following someone else’s blueprint? How does that make me feel?
2. If I gave myself permission to do things “my way,” what would it look like in practice? What would I change? What would I start—or stop—doing?
**Have you read the entire Storyhill series? If not, click HERE to check out all the titles.