LET'S TALK ABOUT LISTENING

. . .  yes, I see the irony.

But isn’t talking about listening an oxymoron, Annmarie?

Yes. Yes, it is. But hear me out…. ;)

We’ve all heard how important it is to be a good listener. The idioms have been around forever:

· Listen before you speak.

· You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

· And so on . . .

And we’ve been taught to distinguish between listening and really hearing someone.

But within all that good advice, one thing is often missing (as it is so often missing from a lot of things in our lives): Patience.

Ugh. Patience.

It’s not exactly my gift. In fact, Dr. J has often been “instructed” to avoid using the “P” word around me altogether. Curse like a sailor if you must (though, honestly, that’s more my department than his), but don’t you dare use the “P” word.

Still, I have to admit that listening—true, wholehearted, generous listening—requires it.

This small snippet from Emily Henry’s newest book, Great Big Beautiful Life, perfectly captures what I mean:

This character (Alice) is speaking as a journalist, but it applies just as much to a conversation with a partner, a friend, a child, or a stranger in line at the grocery store who just wants to be seen.

Think about it:

• How often have you caught yourself half-listening because your brain is already racing toward the next task?

• How often do you rush someone through a vulnerable story because it makes you uncomfortable?

• How often do you jump in to finish a sentence—not to be rude—but because your brain is swirling and impatient?

Waiting is hard. Holding space and staying present even more difficult.

But what better gift can we offer someone—anyone—than the space to speak in their own time and at their own pace? What better way to love, to connect, to understand, than to be patient as they share what’s on their mind?

I’m working on practicing the pause. Trying to notice where I rush and reminding myself that the best listeners aren’t always the ones with the perfect responses—they’re the ones who wait. Who honor the pace of the speaker.

This week, try it with me? Wait one beat longer. Let the silence stretch. You might be surprised by what slips out in the space you hold.

And for the overachievers, a bonus play:

One of the best questions I’ve learned to ask at the end of a conversation is:

“Thanks for sharing that with me. Did you just need me to listen, or would it help to hear some thoughts or ideas?”

It’s simple and powerful.

And it gives the person speaking exactly what I talked about last week—agency. The chance to choose how they want to be supported.

I hope you have a fantastic rest of the week (and here’s to all of us getting more comfortable with the “P” word).

 

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